By now, I'm sure many of you have seen the infamous cover of the new Times Magazine. If not, here you go:
As a mom, I was very offended when I saw this first thing this morning on my Facebook news feed. While I think it's great that breastfeeding is becoming more socially acceptable and people are more aware of the benefits of nursing your children, I am sad to see that it is being used to further separate mothers and create drama between them.
Yes, I breastfeed, but what can make something more 'mom' than another??
I am part of two different social circles and I don't really fit in either one. I think I've always been that way though. :)
The first group are friends that I've known before I had Baby J, friends from high school, college, coworkers and the hubby's coworkers. The second group is my newer friends, people I've met since having Baby J who share common interests. This list includes moms who do one or more of the following: cloth diaper, breastfeed, babywear, use baby led weaning, co-sleep, delay vax or no vax, and overall strive to parent in the best way they can.
Hopefully, all parents whether they choose to do the above list of things or not, try their best to provide a loving home for their children and raise them to be the amazing adults we all hope, pray and wish our children will one day become.
If you are a breastfeeding mother, you can imagine how many times I've heard, "Your still breastfeeding?" or "Cloth diapers?!?" from the first group. Most people that wrinkled their nose at the latter are amazed at how they have worked for us now, but the breastfeeding questions never end, of course, unless they are weaned, and then you get questions from the second group.
My more natural/attached/hippie (whatever you want to call them) parenting friends will ask my why I'm wanting to wean my daughter. She's not even two. Some people think it's wrong that my child sleeps in a crib or that I had a csec. My first group of friends thought I was crazy for wanting a natural birth, the second will find a reason why I didn't end up with one.
Obviously, they are two extremes, but not entirely exaggerated. Many people that I call friends are somewhere in the middle and more than that couldn't care less how I choose to parent.
As moms, parents, grandparents and people, we need to stop judging each other on what we do and support each others decisions. Maybe a person's choice wasn't right for you, but if it works for them, so be it!
Happy parenting!
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| Hubs did not want to take this pic, but I'm glad he did. :) August 2011-Baby J was 13 months |
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I agree 100%!! I don't understand why moms feel the need to judge snd put each other down! We are all parents and we are all doing the best we can and making hard decisions about what works best for our families so why all the judgement?
ReplyDeleteExactly!
DeleteI agree with you! I know some people do fit a certain 'mold' 100% but I would think most of us are somewhere in the middle Bc that's what worked best for us. I think sometimes moms cross the line between being an advocate for what they think is the best way and insisting their way is the only way. Thanks for your thoughtful post!
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading! I think there are those who push their opinions on others and they really get on my nerves!
DeleteI agree that there shouldn't be as much judgment, but I wonder if someone merely trying to inform or give someone options can be perceived that way. I know that I felt so relieved when I discovered cloth, breastfeeding, and baby wearing. It made my life so much easier and better. I only wanted to share that with my friends so they would know they had options. I know I haven't always come across that way, and at time I know I've had messed up intentions. I love the way I've chosen to take care of my baby and I just want every mom to know that she has a lot of options on how to do most parenting things.
ReplyDeleteI feel the article, which I haven't had a chance to read yet, only sends a message that hurts moms who only want to promote breastfeeding as a normal, healthy option. The picture alone asks to be agreed with or defied and the title is even worse. I feel it might separate moms even more than it should. There will always be extremes. Mothers can't control everything. Even with the best preparations and help, sometimes you have a csec or can't breastfeed or the daycare won't take cloth. Thanks for the post.
I know what you mean. I try not to be pushy with my opinions, but some people could take it that way regardless. I think it's easier to share ideas in person than on the computer b/c anyone could read your words and interpret them in a way you would never have meant them.
DeleteOh b! i love you and agree 150% because well...why judge? Doesn't everyone wanna be happy? I do. So when someone says something to me (like yesterday when I was told 8 months was to long to breast feed! WHAT!) or when I was congradulated by an elderly couple for breastfeeding in public. What someone says shouldn't matter. Its what you know and wanna do that matters. Kudos B!
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading Natasha! That story about the 8 month old being too old to nurse falls perfectly with this. I'm glad there are others out there that encourage and support natural parenting. :)
DeleteJust read this post. I LOVE it!! I tell mothers all the time, "You are the expert on your baby!" Yes, I'm an IBCLC who breastfed all 4 kids for at least 2.5 yrs. each, and I own a store that sells cloth diapers, but my goal is to encourage every mother who comes through my front door to trust HER OWN parenting instincts. There is absolutely No Room for judging or making another mom feel guilty! I'm a grandmother now, and my daughter has made different choices than I did, but I respect and support her because She is the expert on my grandson!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great work!!